So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
