The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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