I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i think my cat just said my name.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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