Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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