yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
