My hand turned me down
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
