the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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