a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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