you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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