wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
