theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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