Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
