I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
