I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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