You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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