i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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