Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
