Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
