The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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