you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
