dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
