He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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