currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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