hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
