were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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