as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
