Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
