The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
