what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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