Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
