Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
