Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
This is my gift to your gina
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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