For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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