And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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