Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
