I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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