what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
