is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
