Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
