I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
