Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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