No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I want to have your abortion
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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