margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
