Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
