and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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