I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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