He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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