I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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