I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
