Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
