Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
