My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
