I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just pee around me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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