Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Farmville is her only friend.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're a disaster
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