i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
