remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
