you guys were way drunker than both of me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
