Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
