Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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